When I was given the information on what to expect, and how recovery would go following the fusion, God was still proving he was bigger than medical knowledge. I was only expected to have about 80% movement in my neck, 6 months total in a collar with a soft brace to follow with the chance of many complications. I came out of surgery with none of the complications. I was collar free in 2 months, with no need for a soft brace. And my movement was as high as 95% instead of the 80 I had been told.
The joy, peace, and more all felt so strongly abundant in all of this. Every chance I got, I would tell my story. I knew God was real and nothing was more important than doing my part in helping others come to that truth as well.
Our lives were continually changed through all of this as we welcomed the new year with a new perspective. We made it a point to get to know our neighbors, do our part to help people we saw in need or would find out about in need as often as we could, and simply be the love Christ would have been. By no means was God intending us to stay even in this place spiritually though, and continued to reveal to us His plans and ideas to keep us on our toes.
The first year was spent just being awake spiritually for the first time in our lives. It went by in a blur but left us changed beyond descriptions. The one year mark of the crash hit me harder than I expected it would. For some reason, emotions I had not felt in the crash like fear, were constantly on my mind. My children’s faces with looks of horror, were also in my mind. I felt like despite all the changing we had gone through, and all the growth we had experienced spiritually, we were still nowhere near the level God was calling us to.
After a feeling of shock and reflecting on the crash, I was trying to maintain the knowledge I had of the crash, not the new emotions I was feeling. We went from the one year mark to March of the new year very quickly. March brought us many trials and challenges, but from how busy it was, one main thing had gone unnoticed; the second disc that had herniated (moved, could go bad) in the crash, had actually gone bad and was now pressing on my spinal cord. This was quickly discovered in the week we had where our lives calmed down quite a bit. There was a new trial to face, a second fusion. I knew I had to stop school for the time being, which to me was the hardest part about all of this. I felt like I was quitting, and I hated quitting.
The second surgery did put my range of motion at 80% like I had been told it would be after the first one. I had to be in the collar longer this time, but also trained for a marathon speed walking since running was not allowed. I was given so many restrictions from the doctor, I felt helpless in trying to assess the “now what” part of my life. The simple fact was that I would not be able to follow all the restrictions I had been given. I had a new determination to simply do as much as I could as fast as I could, even if it meant then needing a day or two for my body to start feeling remotely normal again.
I live with constant pain. So far there is no explanation as to why I feel this pain, nor is there a solution to reduce it. I have the knowledge that at any time the healthy disc between my 2 fusions will go bad. Simple things like picking up my youngest child, any accident no matter how minor it would seem to someone without fusions, or just doing normal activities that are beyond the restrictions set will eventually lead to fusion number 3. A third fusion would mean no more turning my neck, no more driving, and so many other complications. Despite knowing that though, God is still God and still so unbelievably good!
It is now March again, two years after the crash. The two year mark also left for much reflection and further direction to grow spiritually. In January, my youngest tackled my neck. God miraculously healed my neck then too. I literally could not move my right side at all after my neck was tackled, but by the time I was able to be seen in the ER and get the MRI done, I was moving and feeling almost normal again. This was 8 hours or so after being tackled. My favorite part was my sister telling me she had a dream of hands working in my neck and fixing many parts of it. Many things remain unresolved, but I know God has a plan and that He will never fail me. God clearly isn’t done with me yet or I would not be able to tell my story or I would be in much worse condition than being able to live fairly normally with hardly any obvious complications from something as major as a roll over crash. I continue to meet people who have had fusions, which I get to pray for and exchange stories with.
Everything happens for a reason. Tragedies can be blessings in disguise. At the end of the day, it is important to know who you are, where you stand, and if you truly are ok with dying at any moment. We don’t have a guarantee of how long we get to live, or how long we get to continue life in the same way we had been living before today. If we aren’t expanding beyond our comfort zone, how can we truly make a difference? I choose to live to the best of my ability outside of what I feel is secure, because no matter how safe we choose to live life, it will still end and we still do not have the control over when it does or how it does. Take risks, make mistakes, and get messy because you might not have a tomorrow. This statement doesn’t mean live outside the laws or against what you know to be right, just that we need to stop feeling so secure in all the things that won’t be there when we are dead.
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